I never read the novel "Road to Perdition" and I had no interest in the film, although with Paul Newman, Tom Hanks and Jude Law it certainly contained no lack of talent. I usually like that genre and have reveled in hours spent with "The Godfather" and its sequels, and in novels like Truman Capote's "In Cold Blood." Whether fictional like "The Godfather" or semi-documentary like "In Cold Blood" the movies and books provide a feeling of safe distance from the overt presence of evil.
Few really know how close they are to that evil. Sometimes in their own homes. But an alcoholic knows. First hand.
An alcoholic knows Hell. An alcoholic has walked the road to perdition. Each with his own story. Some have seen great evil on the road; some lesser. Everyone who's trod the road and survived to get off of it knows where it inevitably leads.
Today I am trying to remain teachable as a student of Alcoholics Anonymous. I have to remember that I am only one drink away from resuming my trek along my own road to perdition. Getting off that road and, more importantly, staying off that road is the real focus of my program. Anyone can stop drinking for a while. My problem was staying stopped. I have to learn through reliance on my Higher Power, the steps, the guidance of my sponsor, the literature and the meetings how to live soberly.
Taking the first steps on this new road, I became honest with myself that my previous relationship with my God had always been distorted through the lens of alcohol and only when I removed that lens could I truly turn my will and my life over to Him in my third step. I had removed the liquor before, but without an honest surrender I couldn't remove the lens. The miracle was that I survived long enough in the program for that to happen. What was it that made the difference?
I was at a crossroads. I knew I couldn't continue and I didn't know how I could not continue. My disease had me in its clutches and I knew I had nothing good ahead. There at the crossroads I finally became willing.
Bill Wilson wrote to noted psychiatrist Carl Jung some years after AA got started to thank him for his influence on the origins of AA and to bring him up to date on the status of Rowland H., whose encounters with Jung are in the Big Book. When Jung wrote back he expressed the seminal idea that provides the core of what has helped me begin to experience the miracle.
"I am strongly convinced that the evil principle prevailing in this world leads the unrecognized spiritual need into a perdition, if it is not counteracted either by a real religious insight or by the protective wall of human community. An ordinary man, not protected by an action from above and isolated in society, cannot resist the power of evil..."There at my crossroads, with a moment of clarity finally breaking the fog, I began to experience that insight, just a little. What AA provided in those critical first days and which it still provides on a daily basis is that protective wall of human community. So I have my God providing me protection from above -- as long as I remain willing -- and my AA community protecting me right here.Carl Jung -- letter to Bill W.
That is what the early Christian communities did. Come together to strengthen, correct and learn from each other and draw closer to God. And whatever my conception of God is, whatever your conception of God is, it works. It works for me daily. It works as long as I remain willing. It works as long as I work at it.
So each day I know I again am at the crossroads and I must be willing. One more hour. One more day. Going down to the crossroads...
I went down to the crossroads, fell down on my knees.
Down to the crossroads, fell down on my knees.
Asked the Lord above for mercy, "Save me if you please."
|
