During a presidential debate back in the '80s Ronald Reagan turned to his opponent, shook his head and said "There you go again..." Well, I'm involved in something a lot more important to me than a debate. I'm involved in a battle for my life and yet, "there I go again."
No, I didn't take a drink. I didn't pop a pill or smoke a joint. I simply got complacent.
I'm a Eucharistic Minister in the Catholic parish I belong to. For me, as a Catholic, that's a big deal. I am entrusted to not only handle the precious body and blood, but am allowed to take the presence to the sick in a local rehabilitation hospital. When I came into recovery I had a long talk with my priest about my alcoholism. He understands the issue pretty well for a "normie" and was certainly understanding about the dilemma I faced. We agreed that if I felt that I couldn't cope with handling the chalice holding the consecrated wine then we could find another solution, but I would continue serving and if it was my place to serve the chalice then I would simply raise it in reverence when it was given to me and not drink from it.
That worked well for more than a year. Each time I was on the altar and was presented the chalice I had no urge to drink from it. I could present the chalice to others without feeling any obsession or urge.
I guess I began to become a little complacent, maybe cocky in the "I've got this licked" sort of way. Well, I don't have it licked.
Today I approached the altar and was presented the chalice. Standing there behind the altar facing my brothers and sisters in the church I suddenly found myself remembering when I did partake of the cup.
It didn't take but a few moments for me to realize I was "Romancing the Chalice." One of the old stories in the back of the book I read recently was talking about this very problem. Treating old memories like a favorite pet. That pet, however, will turn in a heartbeat into a ruthless wolf. I pulled myself together and said a quick prayer for strength and the moment passed.
And, even though I knew I had recognized the danger and pulled back "as if from a hot flame," I still talked with my sponsor and his sponsor. I knew I needed to tell on myself if for no other reason than to stay honest. Staying honest. What a concept. Staying sober. Wow!
