"When you think that the people at your meetings stink, it means that you really are the one who stinks."(1)Well, that's a nice slap in the face.
So, if I'm tired of hearing "THAT story" or get ticked because SHE never says anything positive then I'm screwed up? Yep, I guess so. That's what the book tells me anyway and that's what I'm slowly learning through my own experience. I forget how important "THAT story" was to me in those first painful days. I forget how SHE and her story comforted me that I wasn't alone in feeling the way I did.
The problem is, if I forget and start comparing instead of identifying, which is what I did when I came to the program before, then I'm headed back out. When I came in before I wasn't like the people in the rooms, I was different, I didn't need what they had. Now my risk is thinking that I'm not like the other people in the rooms because of everything I've learned. Talk about terminal uniqueness!
My ego and self-centeredness can overcome all the good I do for my recovery when I pray and meditate, do step work with my sponsor, read and go to meetings. Fortunately, I have a sponsor, who has a sponsor, who has a sponsor and each one of them is an expert ego-bubble popper. In addition, I stay close to others in the program who delight in popping that damn bubble when it pops up. Whether it's at my favorite men's meeting or smoking a cigarette outside a clubhouse I'm lucky to have people there to help me out. When I say "I think..." there's always someone there to answer "With what?"
So, I'll try to remember that I need to worry about cleaning up my side of the street and that someone in the room needs to hear "THAT story" or what SHE has to say, just as I did.
I want to finish today thanking God for the people I have around me in the program. I have a sponsor I trust and can freely call, his sponsor and other men with lots of experience to help me. I also have a lot of friends, young and old, that I've met this past year and we're on this happy road together as the class of '09!
(1) AA Grapevine, August 2010, "A Letter From My Uncle"
