It was interesting. The discussion started with someone asking how other people deal with "life on life's terms" once the pink cloud disappears and real life intrudes with the inevitable disappointments, worries and fears. It's a question that seems to come up with some regularity and I seldom tire of hearing affirmation from others that the program will provide a way to deal with these things without drinking.
Tonight was no different from others. There was solid sharing on the solution with each person sharing tending to focus or one or more aspects of recovery: attending meetings, working the steps, staying in touch with a sponsor and the fellowship and, most of all, staying in touch with a Higher Power. But, there was one aspect I thought was missing from the discussion and I shared it when my turn came. I don't know how well I got across my thoughts in the meeting. Maybe I can do a little better here.
When the stuff hits the fan the alcoholic me wants to make it all about me. The truth is that nothing happens to me as an alcoholic (in recovery or not) that is different from what happens to my non-alcoholic family, friends and co-workers. For years I dealt with everything -- good, bad or indifferent -- through an alcohol-induced haze while my wife, family and friends handled the same situations I was drinking over to the best of their ability.
Even in recovery, I can let myself get caught in that web of self-centered self-pity that wants to make it all about me and that will lead me right back to the bottle. I have to remind myself that I am not unique, that life is not "out to get me," that what happens to me happens to others.
The fact that I have a disease does not make me special, nor does it make me a target for "them". What it means is simply that I have to treat my disease so that I can learn to deal with those things without letting my disease get in the way. And that's what "dealing with life on life's terms" means to me: Treating and managing my disease through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous so that I can manage my life as a sober, capable adult and can be there as the husband, father and friend that those who love me have the right to expect.
I have to remember the last part of the 7th step prayer when I pray, "Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen."
Until next time...
