I got to the second meeting I was planning to go to today early. My home group normally has two meetings in the evening, the first at 6 p.m. followed by the 8 p.m. meeting. I like to get there before the 6 o'clock meeting lets out so I have about an hour for the "meeting before the meeting" with a wider group of people than I might otherwise have if I just waited to talk after the 8 p.m. meeting.
Anyway, I was sitting out in front of the club where we meet drinking coffee and smoking with a group of people, most of whom were considerably younger than I. The conversation was a comfortable mix of recovery with a little bull thrown in for levity when someone asked a young lady at the table if she still went to meetings in the part of town where lives. Her answer? "No, I don't like to go there. They're too stuffy and full of themselves."
Now this young lady recently picked up another white chip, coming back from a single day of drinking after (I think) about 9 months of sobriety. She followed up with "I just got tired of them asking me what I was going to do differently this time. I'm not going to change a damn thing, I just didn't think things through before I drank."
She said she had talked with her sponsor, but she didn't indicate what her sponsor thought. I didn't say anything, but knowing her sponsor, I would be willing to guess that she thinks some change probably IS called for.
That's what I was thinking about as I drove home after the meeting. If it were me telling my sponsor "I just didn't think things through," what would he say? Eliminating the list of probable curse words, he likely would have me start writing, trying to identify what it was that made me take control back from my Higher Power. When I took the 3rd step I turned my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him. In doing that, when I run into trouble or a temptation I don't expect an ethereal voice from on high to tell me not to pick up that first drink. What I do expect is for Him to come to me in the form of my sponsor's voice or the voice of another trusted friend in AA. But, that only works if I cooperate with Him and talk to someone before I take action.
If I don't give someone a call then I'm taking my will back. I know, now, where that will lead. It seems to me that this young lady has a tremendous opportunity for growth and to turn this event into something that can make her stronger in sobriety. But, avoiding a group to avoid uncomfortable questions and defiantly declaring "I'm not going to change anything" makes me think that surrender is not yet truly in her heart.
So, I hope this young lady's sponsor will help her find out what's behind her recent decision to drink and surrender whatever it is to her Higher Power. Otherwise, I'm afraid she's going to need the price of that next one...
