Is it God or me?

"God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.
May I do Thy will always!"

This prayer, along with the 7th step prayer and an old favorite from my Catholic tradition, the Holy Spirit prayer, not only helps me start the day, but sustains me throughout the day. As a matter of fact, when there is a silent meditation called for before we recite the Serenity Prayer I usually try to use the Holy Spirit prayer to help center my will on God and not myself as the meeting starts.

"Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle in them the fire of your love.
Send forth your Spirit, and they shall be created.
And You shall renew the face of the earth.
O, God, who by the light of the Holy Spirit, did instruct the hearts of the faithful, grant that by the same Holy Spirit we may be truly wise and ever enjoy His consolations. Through Christ Our Lord. Amen."

For me, the God of my Catholic faith, the triune Father, Son and Holy Spirit, is the Higher Power I rely on as I pray for my continued growth in sobriety and to know and do His will for me. I also know that there are probably as many "understandings" of a higher power as there are alcoholics and this post is not about saying "my Higher Power is better than your Higher Power, nyaa, nyaa!"

But some recent discussion meetings I've been at make me think that there is a disconnect for a lot of people when it comes to the need to develop a dependence on a higher power and a co-existing need to take action. My thinking was and still is screwed up in a lot of areas. I need my Higher Power, my God, to help me understand His will for me and remove all those defects of character I pray to have removed in the 7th step prayer. But for me to realize His will for me and for me to have those character defects removed I have to do more than just pray for it. I have to DO something.

I read something recently that really stated it well. The article said that if you pray for God to make you a doctor, He's going to tell you "Go to medical school."

Looking at it that way, if I ask God to remove my defects of character His answer is probably going to be along the lines of: "Finish your 4th and 5th steps and do 6 and 7. You now should at least see the worst ones -- so change your behavior! We'll work on the rest when you've made some progress. Oh, and talk to your sponsor about steps 8 and 9..."

If I'm going to succeed at sobriety I have to actively cooperate with God. I can't sit on my butt and expect Him to do all the work. I have to meditate and pray and listen for what He has to say to me and He can send His messages using a lot of different messengers. I also have to be prepared to actually work for my recovery. Like it says in "How It Works" I have to be "willing to go to any lengths": Go to meetings, get and use a sponsor, work the steps, help another alcoholic, repeat.

I like to rephrase part of what we read in Chapter 5 to make it more immediate for me:

1. I am powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable by me;
2. No human power can fix me;
3. God can and will if He is sought and if I do the footwork!

Until next time, don't drink today...