It has been a tremendously busy couple of weeks and when I'm not working most of my time has been devoted to my recovery. After all, if I'm not sober then really nothing else matters. Unfortunately, that leaves little time for writing and I really enjoy doing this.
But things should settle down into a more harmonic rhythm soon!
Until next time...
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Anger. How do YOU handle it?
Wow! What a meeting. We weren't halfway through and I turned to the man sitting next to our group secretary and whispered, "Hell, we can give out the chips now and go home!" The sharing at my men's meeting tonight was about the most powerful I've experienced and I've experienced a lot of powerful moments in that meeting. At that point I wasn't sure I could absorb much more.
I hadn't planned on chairing the meeting, but we've had some group upheaval recently with a change in location and secretary's. It's all good, but change brings its moments of confusion. Anyway, shortly before the meeting I was asked to pick a topic and be prepared in case the guy scheduled forgot. So I did what I often do. Picked up the Big Book, riffled the pages and let God pick.
So after we got the meeting started I asked a simple question. "How many of you in the past week have had someone just piss you off?" As you might expect, the majority of hands went up in the room and I read a section from the Big Book starting on page 66:
To a man the stories shared showed the program of AA in action. Learning to recognize and work on cleaning up your side of the street. Learning to let go of resentments before they eat you up and lead you back to the bottle. Learning to show love and tolerance and that showing love and tolerance does not make you less of a man.
It occurred to me on the drive home that these men -- from the burly worker who wanted to pinch someone's head off but went back to forgive and receive forgiveness to the man who almost failed to help someone in need because of his anger but allowed his God and the program to work -- each has a healthier approach to the challenge of their daily life than most of the people I meet "out there." They have the program to help them to "practice these principles" in their daily life. And they are doing just that.
It's taken me a while to begin to grasp what it means to practice these principles. But, I have some good role models. My God, my Higher Power as I understand Him, gives me the humility I need to learn from the man who used to eat out of the dumpster and to see God and His wisdom shine through him.
Until next time...
I hadn't planned on chairing the meeting, but we've had some group upheaval recently with a change in location and secretary's. It's all good, but change brings its moments of confusion. Anyway, shortly before the meeting I was asked to pick a topic and be prepared in case the guy scheduled forgot. So I did what I often do. Picked up the Big Book, riffled the pages and let God pick.
So after we got the meeting started I asked a simple question. "How many of you in the past week have had someone just piss you off?" As you might expect, the majority of hands went up in the room and I read a section from the Big Book starting on page 66:
We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."I then turned the meeting over to them with the request that the sharing focus on how they deal with anger today in their recovery as opposed to how they used to deal with it. Then I just sat back and learned. The group is as diverse as any I've ever encountered. We meet in a room at a recovery house and get people straight off the street or from detox. We have guys who are trying to get back on their feet, construction workers, business owners, cops, doctors, we even let a lawyer or two in. And me. The range of sobriety any given week may be from a few hours to almost 40 years. It was that way tonight.
We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.
To a man the stories shared showed the program of AA in action. Learning to recognize and work on cleaning up your side of the street. Learning to let go of resentments before they eat you up and lead you back to the bottle. Learning to show love and tolerance and that showing love and tolerance does not make you less of a man.
It occurred to me on the drive home that these men -- from the burly worker who wanted to pinch someone's head off but went back to forgive and receive forgiveness to the man who almost failed to help someone in need because of his anger but allowed his God and the program to work -- each has a healthier approach to the challenge of their daily life than most of the people I meet "out there." They have the program to help them to "practice these principles" in their daily life. And they are doing just that.
It's taken me a while to begin to grasp what it means to practice these principles. But, I have some good role models. My God, my Higher Power as I understand Him, gives me the humility I need to learn from the man who used to eat out of the dumpster and to see God and His wisdom shine through him.
Until next time...
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I Truly Am Grateful!
I am feeling very grateful tonight and I just want to share it! I got away from my work to a noon step speaker meeting that I like today. Someone I had never met before was starting the steps and it was great as he shared his experience, strength and hope with the first step and the principle of honesty. My sponsor's sponsor sat with me at one table while his sponsor sat a couple of tables away and we had a great hour together. The laughter and fellowship before and after the meeting just lifted me and energized me for an afternoon of work.
This evening I went to a Catholics in Recovery Mass, Meal & Meeting at a local parish. It's a regular once a month event that I get a lot out of. Although it's not an AA meeting and it's open to anyone in any recovery program most of us are either in AA or Al Anon. We start with the Mass, celebrated by a priest who also is in recovery, followed by a meal prepared by one of our fellows and volunteers providing salads and desserts. We then follow a pretty recognizable meeting format, with the focus on our recovery especially as it relates to our spiritual journey as Catholics.
Anyway, I got home and I just feel great and grateful. I'm grateful to the program of AA which has helped me renew and strengthen my relationship with my Higher Power. I'm grateful for my sponsor and friends who hold me accountable for what I do inside and outside of the rooms. I'm grateful to God as I understand Him.
When I came back into the rooms 16 months ago I didn't see what was so damn funny that had all of you people laughing and smiling. Today I see. All it took was willingness. Willingness to surrender in the 1st Step and start being honest, especially with myself. Willingness to believe that the Higher Power I had professed really is there and loves me. Willingness to surrender my will and my life to my Higher Power, God as I understand Him, in the 3rd step. And the willingness to buckle down and do the work required in the rest of the steps.
I am grateful that I often hear my High Power speaking to me. Not in ethereal tones from the heavens, but in the voices of my brothers and sisters in the fellowship of AA and of my faith. (I think the last time I heard a "voice from above" it was from a loudspeaker!)
I said at a meeting the other night that I always want to remember the despair and hopelessness I felt coming in. I also don't want to forget or lose the gratitude I feel tonight. I just have to stay willing, open and honest.
Until next time...
This evening I went to a Catholics in Recovery Mass, Meal & Meeting at a local parish. It's a regular once a month event that I get a lot out of. Although it's not an AA meeting and it's open to anyone in any recovery program most of us are either in AA or Al Anon. We start with the Mass, celebrated by a priest who also is in recovery, followed by a meal prepared by one of our fellows and volunteers providing salads and desserts. We then follow a pretty recognizable meeting format, with the focus on our recovery especially as it relates to our spiritual journey as Catholics.
Anyway, I got home and I just feel great and grateful. I'm grateful to the program of AA which has helped me renew and strengthen my relationship with my Higher Power. I'm grateful for my sponsor and friends who hold me accountable for what I do inside and outside of the rooms. I'm grateful to God as I understand Him.
When I came back into the rooms 16 months ago I didn't see what was so damn funny that had all of you people laughing and smiling. Today I see. All it took was willingness. Willingness to surrender in the 1st Step and start being honest, especially with myself. Willingness to believe that the Higher Power I had professed really is there and loves me. Willingness to surrender my will and my life to my Higher Power, God as I understand Him, in the 3rd step. And the willingness to buckle down and do the work required in the rest of the steps.
I am grateful that I often hear my High Power speaking to me. Not in ethereal tones from the heavens, but in the voices of my brothers and sisters in the fellowship of AA and of my faith. (I think the last time I heard a "voice from above" it was from a loudspeaker!)
I said at a meeting the other night that I always want to remember the despair and hopelessness I felt coming in. I also don't want to forget or lose the gratitude I feel tonight. I just have to stay willing, open and honest.
Until next time...
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