Hello Fear...

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear

Frank Herbert, "Dune", 1965

I'm not sure when I first read the novel "Dune," but I'm fairly sure it wasn't long after its initial publication. Since then I have read the classic trilogy a number of times because it's a good read. But the quote above popped into my head last night as I was thinking about the meeting I had just come from. It's my favorite meeting of the week, a long-standing men's meeting that is a no-holds-barred experience in recovery. The topic was fear.

I've been to a lot of meetings where we talked about fear, but for some reason, in this meeting, the release from fear that emanated from each of the men who shared was palpable. It was electric.

So I found myself on the drive home from the "meeting after the meeting" thinking about some of what was shared and that even with the different experiences that were talked about there was a commonality that had everyone nodding in understanding and empathy.

Our literature tells us that "driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self-pity"(1) we have hurt others and they have retaliated. Yet, even when we have only taken baby steps on our road to recovery we can quickly "begin to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter."(2)

How cool is that!?

Yet fear is a persistent and pernicious little bastard. It keeps finding a way into our lives and as the book says "somehow touches about every aspect of our lives." Our founders called it and "evil and corroding thread"(3) shot throughout our lives. It's only through our own persistence in working the steps and maintaining our spiritual fitness through reliance on a Higher Power that we can stop fear from again taking control. We probably all either know people or are the people who have gone back out. Some of us never make it back. It took me six long and painful years to make it back.

There was a time when I feared not having enough booze to make it through to tomorrow when I could get more because I couldn't face anything in my life without drinking. Today I have hope and faith that I can face what life throws at me and with the grace of my God, the fellowship of AA and the power of the steps I don't have to drink. I can face my fear, I can let it pass and I can survive.

And hearing, seeing and feeling the release from fear in that men's meeting I know that it is possible not just today. But tomorrow, too!

Until next time...

1) Alcoholics Anonymous, Chap. 5, pp. 62
2) Ibid, Chap. 5, pp 63
3) Ibid, Chap. 5, pp 67